Recognizing our vulnerability and basic goodness

Namaste poodles!

I went to another phenomenal meditation session with Tara Brach. This time, she focused on the concept of spiritual sovereignty. But before I share her message, I must give context for why her lecture was so meaningful to me.

My friend Matt Medved is currently in Nigeria working for Search for Common Ground, an NGO that focuses on conflict resolution. His Project Director Chom is perhaps one of the wisest men he's ever met. Last week, he and Matt had one of those amazing and enlightening conversations where epiphany after epiphany was had (I love those). 

Chom said that everyone walks around with "smoke and mirrors." You will never know how another person truly thinks about you or sees you. Even if you were cognizant of all of your interactions with a person, that person's own smoke and mirrors could influence how they receive you, completely independent of you. 

It reminded me of something my friend Zack said once: You can never truly know another person. So, especially in the case of romantic partners, your job is to try your best to communicate with and understand your partner.

I feel like Chom's words of advice complemented Tara's concept of spiritual sovereignty. 

***The following are my notes from her session. I tried my best to accurately record everything she said, but please don't take my words or interpretation as truth! As always, I recommend you check out her recorded sessions for yourself and draw your own conclusions.***

Tara defined spiritual sovereignty as the freedom from any limiting sense of who we are; the freedom to live from our heart. Luckily, we do have the capacity to see past the smoke and mirrors (as Chom would say). She outlined three ways of training oneself to achieve spiritual sovereignty:

1. Recognize that everyone is insecure. Once you do that, compassion can follow.

2. See the goodness in people.

3. Experience beingness instead of letting the waves push and pull you (drawing on the duck poem here; link takes you to her meditation session last week).

It's human nature to become fixated on what's wrong. We're vulnerable, so our natural reaction is to camouflage ourselves, or cover up. With mindfulness, we become more transparent. When we're not mindful, we get identified with our cover. It becomes MY jealousy versus THIS jealousy. Being mindful removes the sense of "this is me" or, as Chom might say, clears away yourown smoke and mirrors. 

Tara said one way we get into a trance (aka create smoke and mirrors) is when we really want something. When we really want something from someone, how much do we really see of that person? She used love as an example. I know when I've really liked someone, I've put up smoke and mirrors because I want them to see me in the best way possible. Said differently, I am trying to "control" how that person thinks of me; I want to make them think a certain way (that I'm awesome and the best thing ever, obviously). 

Another way we fall into a trance is when we are thick in hate and judgement. What's your sense of who you are then? When in this trance, it's very narrowing; we can't see the other person and we have no empathy.

In essence, if we're not aware, we can become needy or nasty. 

The feelings we experience when in these trances are totally real; but they're not true. The trance is our interpretation of the situation, but the content (ie the smoke and mirrors) isn't true. We fall under this trance when we start to believe it and take it personally. It's when you learn to pause that you can then recognize the trance. The trance will start to soften, a shift will occur and a space will open. When that happens you can actually begin to relate because it will no longer be relating from ego to ego.

Finally, I want to end with a routine I've started following after being inspired by Chom.

Chom said he begins each day by waking up and texting a friend a positive message. Sometimes he receives a positive text back and other times his friend's texts are negative; sometimes he doesn't even get a text in return. In the beginning, he felt hurt or disappointed when he didn't receive a reply. But now it's not about receiving. Chom said he established such a strong routine to start each day off on a positive note, that he's gained immeasurable mental and spiritual benefits. It's so simple to do! I challenge each of you to pick someone special and try this out for yourself. :)

Caroline

Cultivating Equanimity

Namaste y'all!

Yesterday I saw Tara Brach, a renowned Vipassana meditation instructor. Tara is a psychologist and expert on Buddhist meditation. It was my first time attending anything of the like and it was amazing. 

She began by sharing a poem called "The Little Duck" by Donald C. Babcock.

Now we are ready to look at something pretty special.
It is a duck riding the ocean a hundred feet beyond the surf, and he cuddles in the
swells.
There is a big heaving in the Atlantic.
And he is part of it.
He can rest while the Atlantic heaves, because he rests in the Atlantic.
Probably he doesn’t know how large the ocean is.
And neither do you.
But he realizes it.
And what does he do, I ask you.
He sits down in it.
He reposes in the immediate as if it were infinity – which it is.
That is religion, and the duck has it.
I like the little duck.
He doesn’t know much.
But he has religion.

She went on to compare the continuous waves to life--we can either fight it or we can sit down in it. As humans, we're wired to want to push away or fight unpleasantness and hang on to pleasantness. It's very hard to sense when we're getting pushed and pulled around by waves but when it happens, the best thing to do is to start naming what's going on and be open to how that feels. The duck can move with the swells of the waves (as opposed to being pushed and pulled) because it's not taking anything personally.

She also shared a quote I really liked: "A truly happy person is someone who can enjoy the scenery on a detour." It's the realization and acceptance that those moments are just as valuable. A heart that is ready for everything.

Finally, the last story she shared that I'll include here was about a man who accepted the impermanence of life and found profound love in his acceptance.

"Do you see this glass? I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. When I tap it, it has a lovely ring. When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully. When the wind blows and the glass falls off the shelf and breaks or if my elbow hits it and it falls to the ground I say, of course. But when I know that the glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious." 

Tara has many of her sessions available for free to listen/watch on her site. So far, I've listened to "Be Who You Are" and was moved to tears at least once. 

Finally, I learned of Tara through my amazing friend Zack Beach. Zack is the same friend who recommended me the life-changing book "Non-Violent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. I highly recommend checking out the book and Zack's blog!

Caroline