Genuine Acceptance

Namaste chickens!

I've been reading a lot of really interesting things lately, ranging from major issues facing America's children (such as health, education, and workplace policies that aren't family-friendly) to behavioral and cognitive therapy (because I find it fascinating/I'm a nerd). If you're curious about the former, I've been posting some articles to my 'professional' Facebook page. If you're curious about the latter then read on :)

My amazing roommate Liz is currently studying for her PhD in Clinical Psychology and focusing her research on mindfulness, which is apparently a hot topic in the field right now. (PS She knows all about Tara Brach and tries to go to meditation once a week herself!)

Liz recommended me a mindfulness workbook she found really helpful during her studies called, "Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life." I've made my way through a few chapters and already found it very insightful and helpful! Here are a few concepts the book puts forth:

--Psychological pain is normal, it is important and everyone has it
--You cannot deliberately get rid of your psychological pain, although you can take steps to avoid increasing it artificially
--Pain and suffering are two different states of being
--You don't have to identify with your suffering
--Accepting your pain is a step toward ridding yourself of your suffering

Pretty bold, right? Not usually what you hear from those self-help books which is exactly why it's awesome.

This makes for a great segue into a recent lecture I listened to by Tara Brach on Genuine Acceptance. Here's a description of the talk:

"Our capacity to accept this life is key to our freedom, yet there are many misconceptions about acceptance: People wonder if acceptance makes us a doormat in relationships? Isn't acceptance akin to resignation? Doesn't it make us passive when what is needed is action? This talk explores some of the misunderstandings about acceptance and offers teachings on the nature of genuine and liberating acceptance."

This is what I learned:

Acceptance is being open to the hurt and anger of this particular moment and being willing to just feel it. Feel it in your body, your mind, your heart.

The three reactions humans tend to have that most challenge our ability to accept are:

-To fight. (i.e. lashing out, blaming)

-To run. (i.e., instead of being with our pain, we ignore or deny it or distract our attention.)

-To freeze. This is where the feeling of being a doormat arises. There is a fear of confronting, a fear of dealing. So we pretend to accept, when really, we’re just pushing our feelings down.

Obviously, it’s very hard and even courageous to be willing to sit with your pain. The self/ego is designed to fight, run or freeze.

Recently, I have really been trying to sit with my feelings instead of let them push me around like waves. I have been trying to understand and accept them. Brach says acceptance doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be a doormat. It can be accepting that this hurts, stop pushing it down, leave this situation.

“When we think we accept another, what we really accept is what’s coming up in us. It has nothing to do with the other person. Our capacity for acceptance is our capacity to be with whatever comes up within us in relation to that person. Our biggest domain is accepting what comes up in ourselves. That’s the hardest domain.” – Tara Brach

Brach says authentic acceptance is allowing space for who another person is. In its purity, it’s no different than love.

“Opening to whatever is present can be heartbreaking business. But let the heart break, for your breaking heart only reveals a core of love unbroken.”

I'm happy to report that during this process of accepting my feelings--some of which have been quite painful and unpleasant--I have also felt an immense outpouring of love. Just goes to confirm I'm a living, breathing human being, right? PS That rhymed.

Caroline